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Journal Entry #2

It’s early in the morning here in the Philippines but it seemed my mind is already been wondering to the deep sea where I can drown easily. I was thinking about how my friends and family could be tired of me.

I remember a friend who used to be a family of mine. I mean, we treat each other as sisters. I once pushed her away. I disappeared because I was hurt and when we reconciled after awhile, it was not just the same. Even tagging of simple memes seemed to be awkward now.

I know, it’s my fault. I shut down people when it seemed not right for me. I cry easily over simple things. I am overly sensitive. They must be tired of me. Well, what will they get if they console me? Basically nothing. It’s either, I won’t open up, or if I do, when they speak, I will just feel that they don’t listen or they are pushing me to believe something I don’t understand or believe. I will just ruin everything. Every single time. And honestly, even I, am tried of myself.

I am so sorry but yes, early today, words were just resounding in my head repeatedly. They poison me. If only being okay can be set with words. If only when you say “I’m okay” it will radiate on your soul and mind.

Wrote this not to discourage you this early but just to really write down my day to day journal, may it be struggle or happy thoughts. May it be a way to release, maybe. Feel free to comment encouragement, or even rants or just anything. I don’t mind.

9 thoughts on “Journal Entry #2

  1. Hi Jang, These are troubling times and we all have a tendency to look inward at ourselves and few of us like what we sometimes see, both within ourselves and also when we look at others. When the well that you drink from no longer fills you with that which gives you the life within that enables you to go forward and be sustained, then it is time to seek a different well. Do you remember the time that Jesus encountered the Samaritan woman at the well as recorded in the Gospel of John in chapter 4? Do you recall how Jesus said that “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” ? The thing is, we cannot of ourselves, or of others, find that within which sustains us, and that is a reality. We need the water that only Jesus can give and that water originates from Jesus and is in fact, the Holy Spirit, who comes to dwell within us and leads us to our union with God, in Christ. You don’t need fancy words, just speak in prayer from your heart and ask Him to fill you with Himself. Then trust Him, He will do what He says He will do. It starts with a trickle but continue trusting in Him and the trickle will be come a small brook and then a stream. God loves you more than your mind can even imagine. I will keep you in my prayers Jang, trust in Him and that emptiness within will be filled. May God’s grace, peace and blessings flood you and yours. – Bruce

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Bruce, I truly appreciate this message. Thank you so much. This is quite a reminder. Glad that I have people like you who would be God’s instrument to remind. Again, thank you. God bless.

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      1. Hi Jang, If I can ever be of any help, please let me know. I know that I have not walked in your shoes, but I know who has and He knows us better than we know ourselves. You’re in my prayers. Blessings.

        Liked by 1 person

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