Depressionandanxiety

Progress

I know that I haven’t posted for quite awhile but let me do it now especially I have a good news.

It was not hidden to all of you that in 2020, I was diagnosed of depression. And to be honest, it kept me from writing. I always wanted this platform to be always inspiring so when the time came that I was not inspiring at all, I stopped writing. My sole purpose for this is to be a source of encouragement. Anyway, as I was telling you, I had a hard time. After my diagnosis, I had to go through weekly psychotherapy, bi-weekly Psychiatrist checkups and daily medication of 4 different kinds. The situation was tough. Money wise, it really drained my wallet, if I will be honest but I really needed all of them, I know. I almost had daily panic/anxiety attacks, I was not sleeping well, and I always had nightmares. But by God’s faithfulness and grace, progress was huge.

Yesterday, I had a check up. My doctor brought a great news. She saw my improvement and informed me that starting now, I will need to see her only once in two months and she will only retain one medication and the supplement for my sleep. I am so happy. (Ps: The medication was not discontinued right away. I made progresses throughout the past few months and time spent with the doctor and medications are lessen little by little).

God is a great healer. There is nothing that He cannot heal. He is soooo good. ✨💗🔥

DescriptiveParagraph

1,2,3

When people started to count all the wrongs you’ve done, your world will start to become small. You too may count them all. Then they will be countless like the stars and the sand and you will never see the good in you. No, you should not torture yourself with that. Be a deaf.  So when they count, you will not hear them. Remember, everyone is work in progress. Yes, it is not an excuse but you’ve got to acknowledge that so you will not be too hard on yourself.  It’s okay. Everyone failed at one point in their lives. And so can you. Now, stop counting them but start reviewing them and know what to improve on you.

Videos / Songs

New Song

I.
When the rain isn’t stopping
When the waves are not calm
When my worries rise and I can’t control
You remind me
Ohhhhh…

Chorus:
When I am weak
I am strong
For your grace is sufficient for me.
My fears
Are all gone
For your love dispels it all

Bridge:
Where would I be without you
Where would I be without you, Lord
Where would I be?

Suggest a title please. 🙂
PS: Bear with the imperfections.

Personal

The Process

God is our healer. I believe that. He let me experience His healing power too many times. (Hospitalizations, say what now?!) But my question is how am I seeing the process of healing? What are my learnings along the way.

Today, as I heal in a certain area, God made me see more of His wonders more than the healing. On the process, I saw the value of life, people’s support, and reconcilation of my relationships. The Lord has always been so faithful that even on the process He lets me experience His hand caressing me. ❤️

Personal

Birthdays

Today, I recognized that I was so afraid of my birthday because it was all centered to how I will be happy yet, this is not about me but about the God who breathe in me, the one who loved me at my worst and pushes me at my best. Thank You Lord for all the learnings of today. I am so ready to put praise on my lips as another year adds. ❤️

Ps: I will be 27 tomorrow.

Personal

Moms

God gave me two moms to honor. It’s not mother’s day but let me do this. My heart cannot contain the overflowing love and gratefulness.

My biological mom is Lilibeth Gabasa. She was sweet and beautiful inside and out. What I remember most about her was her enthusiasm in doing household chores, dancing while cleaning the room. But it was a short-lived experience. I only had her for 6 years of my life. But still, thank God for the time given to us and for her life.

After my mom died, my father remarried. My step mother is Corazon Gabasa. She is pretty, slim and not showy. She is strict in house rules but still has a beautiful heart. I must admit, we went through a lot of struggles in keeping up with our relationship but I think even with your real moms, you do struggle too, right? What I love about her is her love for my father. I saw her tirelessly took care of him. These are the things I know I cannot do while building my own life. I also learned to read and not watch too much because of her. In fact, I am not fond of watching since then. I also learned to multi task. And I love her genuinity towards my healing. She helped me a lot in this area. And oh, before I forgot, I love that she gave us our handsome brother.

When I was young, I used to not appreciate how our lives are different after my mom died but now, as I mature, I appreciate every bit of it. I thank God for learnings and for the lives of my awesome moms who are both gifts from Him. ❤️

DescriptiveParagraph · FlashFiction

Home

I want to stay in a place for years. I want to call it “home”. I want to say, it’s where I belong. It might not be a geographical location, but maybe a heart of a person whom I will love forever. Who could it be? I’ve been waiting for 27 years. I will be here or maybe there still sojourning until I see you face to face. Until then, my love. I will be waiting.

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Slowly but Surely

I was pouring muscovado to a bottle when I realized how important to be patient and to do things slowly.

I don’t want to waste muscovado so I slowly pour it to the bottle. It took time but I have spill after pouring. I did it successfully. And I remember my healing, it might not be easy, it might take time (according to the doctor it might take 3 years of medication), it might not be purely straight line towards healing but it will be sure. I want to make sure, I am doing it right.

Ctto

I was feeling blue and I felt pressured. In one week time, it will be my birthday but somehow I felt like pressured. I was thinking if people will truly celebrate my birthday. Do they really appreciate my existence? I am worried as well of this feeling because I might not be healing well. Then my cousin sent that to me. And she’s right. There will be days that you will not be okay, and that’s fine. It will be a rough road towards healing but the important part is, you are healing. Slowly, but surely. I am now determine to take one step at a time. ❤️

Personal

Joy-Nal Entry #2

Banana Strawberry Refrigerated Cake

After lunch today, I created this refrigerated cake for the kids. It’s really good, unexpectedly. Andre almost half it after dinner. Well, I am very happy about that. I know that this was not as creative as other cakes but, it’s delicious.

Creating things make us happy especially when it’s a success. And being happy time after time is important.

One second missing 😂

I do threadmill walking for one straight week now and it feels so good. I was really guilty of not working out for years. Been sick and not really healthy but I am glad to finally decided to go back on track. Exercising produces dopamine which is really good for everyone. You can try if you want and like me, you can start walking first. I started walking for only 15 minutes and just added more as time went by.

Doing things consistently makes you feel empowered sometimes. It feels like you’ve achieve something. There’s a sense of fulfillment. And it’s important that we feel that we achieve something for the day, or for a week. There will be a warm feeling in the heart.

What’s your joyful story today? Let me know.

Personal

New Look

I recently had a haircut and hair dye. One of the things I am trying to enjoy now is to take care of myself. What do you think about the hair? Oh by the way, I am embracing the curls already. ❤️

Personal

Joy-Nal Entry #1

It’s been more than a week since I started working out. It’s good. It’s now my favorite thing to do. But don’t get me wrong. I am only doing 15-minute yoga and 30-minute fast walking on threadmill. It makes me happy. I was not into exercise before but I enjoy it now.

But one thing hinders my enjoyment, the time. I was always conscious that the time will be up soon. I am more like impatient. I remember starting to see 25 minutes and I just want to stop working out thinking, it’s almost there anyway. So today, I covered the time with a paper while working out. Listened to my favorite wedding songs. Yes, you read it right, wedding songs for work out. Not that I am working out for a wedding or for someone but I just enjoyed it while trying to sing too.

I realized that I AM SO IMPATIENT. I remember asking God why things are not coming to pass yet. Especially this month, I am turning 27. I am now counting what I should have achieved other than fat. 😂 Truly, God holds the time. His timing is not our timing. His ways are far from our ways. Now, I am looking forward to work out for 45 minutes without being too conscious about time.

BTW, [Joy-nal is a word I just created. I mixed joy and journal because these entries will now come with joy and learnings. Expect for more!]

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Dealing with Who I Am

Almond

During my therapy session this week, we dealt with the question, “Who is Jireh?”. It is a deep question that I cannot answer. Well, at least for now. So I came up with the solution of jotting down the things I like first.

I remember the movie, “Runaway Bride” of Julia Roberts. She must find out what she wants first before committing to someone. I think, we all need that. We need to know ourselves.

This morning, I went to the nearest convenience store to send money to my sister. I walked around the store too to check what I like and found a small bag of Almonds. I have been a fan of nuts but my favorite is Almond.

Observing small details like this is very important in knowing who you are. And I’ve learned from it that, knowing what I like will make me not just agree to people around. It will give me a stronger perspective of allowing myself to decide and not just go with the flow.

What are you thoughts? Let me know.

Videos / Songs

Keep Going ;

This my original composition. ❤️

This season has been really tough for everyone. I hope this song will bring you encouragement. ❤️

Title: Keep Going ;

Lyrics:

Stormy nights
Endless tears
Tough times
that seemed unending

Darkness there
It is everywhere
Hopelessness
Is all that can be seen

Hold on
Hold on…

Keep going
Do not stop there
The rainbow is in the end
It will be
You will be okay

Personal

Journal Entry #4

Tattoo: HOME

I have a tattoo on my chest. It’s the first tattoo I really liked though it turned out to be my 3rd tattoo and most probably the last as well. (Not everyone saw this before. Not even my dad, if he sees it, he might do another sermon time. I don’t mind. That’s his right anyway.) But anyway, let me share to you the story behind this tattoo.

Growing up, I always asked myself the meaning of home. Just like every family, ours is imperfect. My parents were always busy, we had conflicts, and etc. And I always ask if home is the same as house. I knew it’s not ’cause it’s better than this concrete building that we have. As I grew older, it is always my dream to find my home. Well, maybe I haven’t found it yet or maybe I found it already but haven’t recognized it. All I know is that I put it on my chest because I know that home is something close to my heart. Something or someone who would take care of it no matter how lost I think I am. And despite all my struggles right now, I know I still want to meet whoever or whatever it is. I want to recognize home at least before I am gone.

Personal

Journal Entry #3

Tonight, I had panic attack.

It started when I woke up from another weird dream. I felt the need to get up. I was having a hard time to breathe, having a little chest pain and I was shaking. I still managed to eat and talk to my 5-year old cousin. But after my hot bath which I enjoyed, I started to feel that I need to calm down. I started shaking, crying like I won’t stop anymore. I still managed to get warm water but the crying just won’t stop and I had a harder time to breathe. I guess I am strong enough, I was able to still ask my cousin, to call his dad. My uncle hugged me on the side and asked me if I needed to be rushed to the hospital but I declined. I knew, I just need to calm down. He helped me with warm water, and breathing. He prayed also prayed for me. I calmed down after a few minutes though somehow made me late to log in for work.

Right now, I am still feel a little dizzy and having some back pain but feeling better. I am just thankful that I have been surrounded with great people. I just hoped that he would not feel worried or afraid if this happens to me.

I promise to seek more help and get better.

Personal

Journal Entry #2

It’s early in the morning here in the Philippines but it seemed my mind is already been wondering to the deep sea where I can drown easily. I was thinking about how my friends and family could be tired of me.

I remember a friend who used to be a family of mine. I mean, we treat each other as sisters. I once pushed her away. I disappeared because I was hurt and when we reconciled after awhile, it was not just the same. Even tagging of simple memes seemed to be awkward now.

I know, it’s my fault. I shut down people when it seemed not right for me. I cry easily over simple things. I am overly sensitive. They must be tired of me. Well, what will they get if they console me? Basically nothing. It’s either, I won’t open up, or if I do, when they speak, I will just feel that they don’t listen or they are pushing me to believe something I don’t understand or believe. I will just ruin everything. Every single time. And honestly, even I, am tried of myself.

I am so sorry but yes, early today, words were just resounding in my head repeatedly. They poison me. If only being okay can be set with words. If only when you say “I’m okay” it will radiate on your soul and mind.

Wrote this not to discourage you this early but just to really write down my day to day journal, may it be struggle or happy thoughts. May it be a way to release, maybe. Feel free to comment encouragement, or even rants or just anything. I don’t mind.

Personal

Journal Entry #1

Quarantine has not been friendly on my end. Anxiety attacks and depressing times are quite intense and I must admit, it was the reason why I have not been posting these days. But I promised my dad moving forward that I will seek more help this time and that I will keep on writing even if it’s just telling how my day went. He believed that it was my talent and that it’s therapeutic as well. (PS: His brother, my uncle Dan, also encouraged me on this)

My folks visited me. ❤️❤️❤️

My dad and my stepmom went to Manila from province just to pay me a visit. They both want to make sure that I am better now after what happened last week. Well, I still feel dizzy at times, and stomach pain is still reoccurring but surely, I am recovering. They also made a few calls check on the best help I can get. Plus, they corner me somehow and tell me stories about life. (Well, you know how a pastor trying not to preach but preaches anyway.)

Zhei, me, and Dei. ❤️

I also got to see my favorites. They have been my family since I was a kid. We were teased together because of our curly hairs which were not easy to manage. I considered them siblings since then. Their mom also stood like my own mom too when mama passed away and their dad was my godfather/uncle at the same time.

It’s been years since I saw these babies. I am glad to have some time to talk and hug them. It’s a priceless quarantine bonding. Family is after all OUR HOME.

Thankful of course to my handsome uncle Nep too who has been very supportive to this meet up. He shared some good, humourous real life stories with learnings, of course. One thing that I got there is that he’s living all by God’s grace and cannot boast on his own efforts. Humbled by his stories though we are all guilty in the family that we look highly of him for being such a good family provider and being best at work.

But how’s everyone?

DescriptiveParagraph · FlashFiction · Poetry

Quiet Time

She went to the field with her journal and pen. She sat on the grass and started writing…

The shadows may hunt me,
but they can never stop me.
Dried wounds, they may reopen.
But they will eventually heal.

She breathed deeply and felt the wind touch every inch of her. It’s the kind of writing moment she always looked for, being in a quiet place and the wind blows.

DescriptiveParagraph · FlashFiction

He Was a Teacher

The playing kids in the corridor, the noisy children in the classroom, the messy chairs, the blanks in the attendance sheet, the repetitive sound of the computer keyboard, the loud sound of the bell and the other things to be observed in the school will always be remembered by him. School was his favorite place. Despite the fact that he is an introvert and he enjoys peace, he will never forget the beautiful chaos in the school. He was once there to be a channel of learning and surprisingly he also learned from the subject matter to one’s life experiences. He has regrets for leaving but he has to go. There were other plans in his mind that he has to pursue while he is still young. “I will be back.” He said as he closed the gate of the school.

Personal · Videos / Songs

Update

I haven’t been writing these days and I know that. I miss those people I talk to here and how my thoughts flow about everything. And right now, I just want to share this song I’ve written yesterday. This pretty sums up everything I feel these past few weeks. Well, I was not sleeping well and have anxiety attacks. Anyway, leave me a comment or a feedback. And if you can include me to your prayers, I would appreciate it. Enjoy listening! (Lyrics written below)

Title: Anxiety
Sleepless nights
I’ve been staring at the ceiling
Overthinking everything

I’ve been restless
Reminded of the past
I am now drowning here

Oooooh
Hold me in your arms
Let me rest a bit
Tell me everything’s
Oooooh
Assure of your love
Stay by my side
Tell me everything’s
Gonna be all right

Nightmares visit
It scares the hell in me
I just don’t want to sleep

Shadows whisper
It echoes my mistakes
It kills me every single time

Pull me closer
When I try to runaway
Forgive me in every way
I hope you’ll still choose me
(I am not my anxiety)

Ps: Please excuse my fats and my imperfect music talent. It’s been two years since I wrotea song. Well, enough with explanation. Have a great day ahead!

Encouragements · Thoughts&Reflection

Restless?

Lately, I feel restless. I feel so tired at work, but still, I can’t sleep. My mind doesn’t stop thinking.

Ctto

Then God reminded me of a word He kept in my heart in the start of the year. It was about Ruth being restless too because she needs to get grains for them to live. I must admit that it’s really worst to have anxiety attacks especially when you need to work for a living. However, I was also reminded of our front liners today who has been tired at work and worried at some point that they might carry the virus and spread it without knowing to their loved ones.

Aren’t we are all tired? Tired of this battle in the mind, with the virus, with work, and others. And the good thing about being tired, we can be comforted and we know that at the end of the day, even if we felt alone, even if we thought no one is listening, God is there.

In 2 Corinthians 1:3 it says there, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” Amen. Let us also remember His promise, Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

What I realized these days that I have been tormented with worries are: 1. God is in control no matter what. 2. We need to cling to His promises and always take heart! 3. Always be grateful in every circumstance. That’s a good heart check. What’s in your heart these days? 3. God’s comfort will always suffice. Sometimes, despite the genuineness of our friends we know that something is missing and “Everything’s gonna be okay” will never be enough. Seek God.

What are the sources of your tiredness these days? Is it your work, family, worries about the virus, provision of family needs? Know that we have one true God who will always be there for us no matter how tiring it is. Let us cast our cares to Him and be comforted by the One who truly cares about you.

Jesus left a note on your table as a reminder…

I hope that everyone will be filled with God’s grace and love today. Good night!

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Bloom Where You are Planted

Proverbs 31:15-17

While reading my motivation tab at work, I stumbled into this again.

At 26, I am so conscious about my career path and if I am able to provide the needs of our family. Being named “Jireh” honestly added pressure to me.

Now, you know why. 😂

Contemplating to it again, I realized, that it’s literally happening to me now. I am currently working at night for a different country and I am able to provide the needs of the family. And along side with this realization, God reminded me to bloom where I am planted today.

I am teacher by profession and my work right now is different though still in line with communication. Despite the difficulties of working outside my comfort zone, I know that I am where He wanted me to be. This time may be hard but I know that in this season of my life, He is constantly training and pruning me in so many levels. And despite the hardships, He still motivates me to shine and grow wherever I am.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13 ESV

Great thing that we have His words reminding us that whatever season we are in, He will always strengthen and enable us. Jesus is our best help.

Encouragements · FlashFiction

Encouragement

Words from the very mouth of her family brought bruises, wounds and even scars in her heart. She was hurt and mad all at the same time. It seemed no one is there to support and understand her. She can’t cry or curse, she can’t express her feelings but when a person hugged her, she started crying. And as she was being hugged, words of affirmation came out from the mouth of the other person. She said, “You are beautiful. Whether they appreciate it or not, you are still beautiful. You are valuable. Your worth is not measured on how you perform or how you do things, you are simply valuable. Just like a thousand peso bill, whether they crumple you, or step on you, your worth will never decrease. You are loved. There are people who believe in you, who are willing to fight for you and sacrifice for you. We are still here.” The other person held her face and said, “Always remember that. Don’t ever forget.” Even though tears are not stopping yet from flowing, she smiled.

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Committing Plans to Him

CTTO. Just saw this photo online.

I have been really busy these days. My sister and I were doing plans for the new business that we opened. Schedules, marketing strategies, supplies and other stuff are taken cared of. Somehow I am anxious about it. It is not my first time to open a business but I just really want to be assured that the Lord is with us in this journey. I believe that business is not just about how good you are but how He will join you every step of the way.

The verse above is a great reminder that we can trust God on our plans and He will guide us. We can always trust that His plans for us are good and it will be better to share our plans with Him. There is peace, joy and assurance that everything will turn out right.

Can you share one plan that you want commit to the Lord? I will be delighted to pray for you.

Thoughts&Reflection

Vulnerability

Sometimes, it’s hard to be vulnerable to people even though you have been friends with them for years. I experienced rejection before and I have been anxious to open up because that person might leave me just like the others. I even remember someone told me, she is like walking on eggshells whenever she talks to me. So I asked myself then, should I say anything then? Maybe everyone feels this way. Not that I just started to conceal how I feel since she said that but I was more convinced that it’s the best thing to do. So I continued hiding how I truly felt because I was afraid that people will feel the same way or might leave. I even thought, God might feel that I am way too sensitive. He might be complaining about how emotional I am, how high my anxiety level is and how depressing my thoughts are. I am so afraid that He’ll get tired of me and leave.

Then He talked to me through a verse…

And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 18:2‭-‬4 ESV

Today, He called me out to really COME to Him as His daughter. He reminded me to tell him everything, humbling myself before him, acknowledging that He has power over my situation, that He is my Father and that I fully trust Him with my life. Isn’t it great to have a heavenly Father who doesn’t invalidate how we feel rather acknowledge them? Isn’t it great to have a wonderful Father who listens and stays? I think it’s AWESOME.

Remember that even in our darkest hours, He was there loving us. (Romans 5:8) He accepted us. (Romans 15:7) He promised that no matter what, He will never leave us nor forsake us. (Joshua 1:5) And all we need to do is come to Him. (Matthew 11:28-29).

Personal

Life Celebration

Jorel’s 17th birthday 🎂 (The one wearing Dedicated and Devoted shirt)

Thank you Lord for the life of our baby brother. May you always be with him. Make him a courageous man. Make him love you even more. Make him see you in everything. Make him to be like you. May your love, joy and peace abound to this young man.

Jorel is my youngest brother. He turned 17 today. He also finished his junior high school with honors. We are so excited for him to see what God has in store for him.

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection · Uncategorized

Dancing in the Current

We had internet outage for 6 days and it’s not really good. It hindered me do things like working, posting here and connecting with loved ones. And if you’re asking for data connection, it’s hard to get it on our area. Even Facebook messenger was really hard to open. Good thing, it’s already fixed.

But what did I learn from those 6 days? I learned to enjoy each moment.

These days, the Lord has been teaching me to wait and to tell you, it’s not my favorite lesson. As a person who doesn’t want to waste time, you can say that patience and waiting is not really my thing. But thankfully, He is our teacher, He will patiently teach us so we can eventually learn things.

During that time that we had no internet connection, I was able to read my Bible more, bond with my nephew, niece, and cousins. I had more time getting to know my cousins. I had more time doing household chores. I had less time online and spent it offline. I surprisingly enjoyed it. If it will be my usual self, I will surely be calling the Internet Provider every hour, pestering them to fix the connection but I didn’t. Instead, I just did the activities I can do like play with the kids, watch movie with them, chat with my cousins, accompany them to get driver’s license, read books and my Bible, laundry my clothes, wash the dishes, cook and experiment and etc.

Isn’t God so creative in teaching? In teaching, we have what we call, “Learning by doing” and I think that’s His teaching style. He wants us to get involve and experience to fully understand and learn.

God wants us to learn how to dance in the current sometimes and stop forcing things. This is what waiting and patience really mean – resting in Him assured that He is making things work together for good.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
-Galatians 5:22‭-‬23 ESV

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -Psalm 27:14 ESV

but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31 ESV

Personal

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

(Small Group with APEC Students – Date with Papa – Victory Group after service – Prayer time with the team – Youth International day – Small Group in the office)

I just miss the days when social distancing and staying at home is not the norm yet. Thankful for the gift of friends.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. – Ecclesiastes 4:9

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

Whose lives are you thankful to God today?

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

On becoming First Choice

“Do I deserve to be a second choice?” We all have seen this question before and maybe even you already asked this question while re-affirming your worth.

I then remember one preaching about Ruth. It struck my heart because the pastor regarded her leaning on leftover grains as ‘getting leftover love’. And then he asked, “Have you ever felt like you are picking a leftover love or significance from your parents, friends, or other relationships?” And all I know is that I have been there but I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I am so done.

We love because he first loved us.   -1 John 4:19 ESV

See, even God gave us his FIRST so why are we settling in second place? He also gave his best and all for us. Remember that the greatest public display of affection was done on the cross. This even convinced me that we don’t deserve to be a second choice.

But the question also bounced back to me?

Does God deserve to be the second place in my heart? I choked. That struck me even more. This reminded me then of a commandment from the Lord.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Matthew 6:33 ESV

Seeking the kingdom is seeking the King. Where will the King be anyway? Remembering this, I evaluated myself, did I make the King first in everything I do?

As a single young professional, I want to establish a good long-lasting career so I always make the extra mile to excel. That’s not bad but I saw myself being too busy taking care of my job, making everything else second in my priority lane. I felt so guilty.

The Bible wants to remind us this:

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  – Hebrews 12:2

He must increase, but I must decrease. – John 3:30

I am thankful for God’s wonderful reminder of really seeing Him more than seeing myself, making Him my top priority every day. And I realized that I will never be the top priority because He should be that one. And I will always be happy to be the second knowing He is the first choice. And it will be enough that I am God’s first choice over being somebody else’s first choice.

Personal · Videos / Songs

Song Cover

(Sorry for the low-quality video). This was taken on my birthday last year and I really miss singing (and even playing instruments). I am currently at my aunt’s house right now (due to lock down) and I have no equipment with me here.

Sharing my favorite song declaring God’s dominion over all the earth. I hope you listen to this song.

Have a blessed day.

Reading · Thoughts&Reflection

Stretch Out

Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. – Matthew 12:13

According to Merriam Webster dictionary, the definition of stretch is, “to make (something) wider or longer by pulling it”.

In this verse, God commanded the man to stretch out his hand and when he obeyed, restoration came. I believe that as we obey God in stretching out our patience, humility, or love, we restore many things like relationships, friendships, and other important things in our lives.

I pray that today as we choose to obey Him, we see His hands restore many things in our lives.

Encouragements · Reading · Thoughts&Reflection

The Art of Continuation

10 He sent and had John beheaded in the prison11 and his head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, and she brought it to her mother. 12 And his disciples came and took the body and buried it, and they went and told Jesus. 13 Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. 14 When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

Matthew 14:10-14

Has there been a day in your life that you are very sad and you just want to be alone? Same here. I have those days too. Those days that I just want to be in my room and don’t want to talk to anyone. And you know what, Jesus has the same experience.

It happened when John the Baptist died. The disciples let Jesus know what happened and as per verse 13, you can see what he did, he went somewhere else alone. The word used was withdrew so I can imagine Him walking out from so many people because He felt the heaviness inside. At this point, since He was a man, He also felt the hurt, that depressing feeling when He lost someone important to Him. Remember, John was a relative and at the same time someone who baptize Him on water. They built a certain connection. But just like everybody else’s day, it will not stop there. Time will not stop when you are sad. If you have a job to do you will still need to get up and show up at work. Well, that’s what happened to Him. Despite the bad day, people still followed Him. And the good thing about Him, He had compassion on them. He saw their need of Him even in His trying time so He still healed them.

What I learned in this passage is one, Jesus also took time to recognize how He felt. He still responded by trying to be alone. He didn’t ignore His feelings He still took time to process it. Two, despite all the pain, He still continued healing people. You see, this is not a simple pain. Someone important to Him died. And can you imagine how much pain He was bearing at that time but still manage to continue?

I actually wonder since it’s not written on the scripture. What did He do during that time alone. How come He could continue with compassion? As I read most of the times Jesus was alone, He was always praying or talking to the Father. And I think, during His quick time alone, that’s what He did and that’s where He got the courage to continue and have compassion in serving people.

This is a good illustration, don’t you think? As we always aim to be like Jesus, we can also see the similarity of our situations with Him. This is giving us hope to continue and be more like Him.

Thoughts&Reflection

Learning from Queen Esther

Now when the turn came for each young woman to go in to King Ahasuerus, after being twelve months under the regulations for the women, since this was the regular period of their beautifying, six months with oil of myrrh and six months with spices and ointments for women—

Esther 2:12 (ESV)

In this particular verse, I am reminded of the preparation I am in before meeting my future husband. This preparation is not just readying the beautification of the outside appearance but also the relationship readiness, character well-being, and even spiritual strength. In the verse, we will see that there was a process and it was very long. It was not something that they cut short, no. It was because they know that the preparation is important. Another thing, the future husband here was not just someone, but a king. I’m not saying that we should marry someone very rich but what I’m trying to say is that, we are preparing for someone God will give us. So, most probably, he’s someone worth of our preparation. 

Ladies, let us remind ourselves: “Don’t settle for less.”