Personal

Journal Entry #2

It’s early in the morning here in the Philippines but it seemed my mind is already been wondering to the deep sea where I can drown easily. I was thinking about how my friends and family could be tired of me.

I remember a friend who used to be a family of mine. I mean, we treat each other as sisters. I once pushed her away. I disappeared because I was hurt and when we reconciled after awhile, it was not just the same. Even tagging of simple memes seemed to be awkward now.

I know, it’s my fault. I shut down people when it seemed not right for me. I cry easily over simple things. I am overly sensitive. They must be tired of me. Well, what will they get if they console me? Basically nothing. It’s either, I won’t open up, or if I do, when they speak, I will just feel that they don’t listen or they are pushing me to believe something I don’t understand or believe. I will just ruin everything. Every single time. And honestly, even I, am tried of myself.

I am so sorry but yes, early today, words were just resounding in my head repeatedly. They poison me. If only being okay can be set with words. If only when you say “I’m okay” it will radiate on your soul and mind.

Wrote this not to discourage you this early but just to really write down my day to day journal, may it be struggle or happy thoughts. May it be a way to release, maybe. Feel free to comment encouragement, or even rants or just anything. I don’t mind.

Personal

Journal Entry #1

Quarantine has not been friendly on my end. Anxiety attacks and depressing times are quite intense and I must admit, it was the reason why I have not been posting these days. But I promised my dad moving forward that I will seek more help this time and that I will keep on writing even if it’s just telling how my day went. He believed that it was my talent and that it’s therapeutic as well. (PS: His brother, my uncle Dan, also encouraged me on this)

My folks visited me. ❤️❤️❤️

My dad and my stepmom went to Manila from province just to pay me a visit. They both want to make sure that I am better now after what happened last week. Well, I still feel dizzy at times, and stomach pain is still reoccurring but surely, I am recovering. They also made a few calls check on the best help I can get. Plus, they corner me somehow and tell me stories about life. (Well, you know how a pastor trying not to preach but preaches anyway.)

Zhei, me, and Dei. ❤️

I also got to see my favorites. They have been my family since I was a kid. We were teased together because of our curly hairs which were not easy to manage. I considered them siblings since then. Their mom also stood like my own mom too when mama passed away and their dad was my godfather/uncle at the same time.

It’s been years since I saw these babies. I am glad to have some time to talk and hug them. It’s a priceless quarantine bonding. Family is after all OUR HOME.

Thankful of course to my handsome uncle Nep too who has been very supportive to this meet up. He shared some good, humourous real life stories with learnings, of course. One thing that I got there is that he’s living all by God’s grace and cannot boast on his own efforts. Humbled by his stories though we are all guilty in the family that we look highly of him for being such a good family provider and being best at work.

But how’s everyone?

Personal · Videos / Songs

Update

I haven’t been writing these days and I know that. I miss those people I talk to here and how my thoughts flow about everything. And right now, I just want to share this song I’ve written yesterday. This pretty sums up everything I feel these past few weeks. Well, I was not sleeping well and have anxiety attacks. Anyway, leave me a comment or a feedback. And if you can include me to your prayers, I would appreciate it. Enjoy listening! (Lyrics written below)

Title: Anxiety
Sleepless nights
I’ve been staring at the ceiling
Overthinking everything

I’ve been restless
Reminded of the past
I am now drowning here

Oooooh
Hold me in your arms
Let me rest a bit
Tell me everything’s
Oooooh
Assure of your love
Stay by my side
Tell me everything’s
Gonna be all right

Nightmares visit
It scares the hell in me
I just don’t want to sleep

Shadows whisper
It echoes my mistakes
It kills me every single time

Pull me closer
When I try to runaway
Forgive me in every way
I hope you’ll still choose me
(I am not my anxiety)

Ps: Please excuse my fats and my imperfect music talent. It’s been two years since I wrotea song. Well, enough with explanation. Have a great day ahead!

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Bloom Where You are Planted

Proverbs 31:15-17

While reading my motivation tab at work, I stumbled into this again.

At 26, I am so conscious about my career path and if I am able to provide the needs of our family. Being named “Jireh” honestly added pressure to me.

Now, you know why. 😂

Contemplating to it again, I realized, that it’s literally happening to me now. I am currently working at night for a different country and I am able to provide the needs of the family. And along side with this realization, God reminded me to bloom where I am planted today.

I am teacher by profession and my work right now is different though still in line with communication. Despite the difficulties of working outside my comfort zone, I know that I am where He wanted me to be. This time may be hard but I know that in this season of my life, He is constantly training and pruning me in so many levels. And despite the hardships, He still motivates me to shine and grow wherever I am.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13 ESV

Great thing that we have His words reminding us that whatever season we are in, He will always strengthen and enable us. Jesus is our best help.

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Committing Plans to Him

CTTO. Just saw this photo online.

I have been really busy these days. My sister and I were doing plans for the new business that we opened. Schedules, marketing strategies, supplies and other stuff are taken cared of. Somehow I am anxious about it. It is not my first time to open a business but I just really want to be assured that the Lord is with us in this journey. I believe that business is not just about how good you are but how He will join you every step of the way.

The verse above is a great reminder that we can trust God on our plans and He will guide us. We can always trust that His plans for us are good and it will be better to share our plans with Him. There is peace, joy and assurance that everything will turn out right.

Can you share one plan that you want commit to the Lord? I will be delighted to pray for you.

Personal

Life Celebration

Jorel’s 17th birthday 🎂 (The one wearing Dedicated and Devoted shirt)

Thank you Lord for the life of our baby brother. May you always be with him. Make him a courageous man. Make him love you even more. Make him see you in everything. Make him to be like you. May your love, joy and peace abound to this young man.

Jorel is my youngest brother. He turned 17 today. He also finished his junior high school with honors. We are so excited for him to see what God has in store for him.

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection · Uncategorized

Dancing in the Current

We had internet outage for 6 days and it’s not really good. It hindered me do things like working, posting here and connecting with loved ones. And if you’re asking for data connection, it’s hard to get it on our area. Even Facebook messenger was really hard to open. Good thing, it’s already fixed.

But what did I learn from those 6 days? I learned to enjoy each moment.

These days, the Lord has been teaching me to wait and to tell you, it’s not my favorite lesson. As a person who doesn’t want to waste time, you can say that patience and waiting is not really my thing. But thankfully, He is our teacher, He will patiently teach us so we can eventually learn things.

During that time that we had no internet connection, I was able to read my Bible more, bond with my nephew, niece, and cousins. I had more time getting to know my cousins. I had more time doing household chores. I had less time online and spent it offline. I surprisingly enjoyed it. If it will be my usual self, I will surely be calling the Internet Provider every hour, pestering them to fix the connection but I didn’t. Instead, I just did the activities I can do like play with the kids, watch movie with them, chat with my cousins, accompany them to get driver’s license, read books and my Bible, laundry my clothes, wash the dishes, cook and experiment and etc.

Isn’t God so creative in teaching? In teaching, we have what we call, “Learning by doing” and I think that’s His teaching style. He wants us to get involve and experience to fully understand and learn.

God wants us to learn how to dance in the current sometimes and stop forcing things. This is what waiting and patience really mean – resting in Him assured that He is making things work together for good.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
-Galatians 5:22‭-‬23 ESV

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -Psalm 27:14 ESV

but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31 ESV

Personal

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

(Small Group with APEC Students – Date with Papa – Victory Group after service – Prayer time with the team – Youth International day – Small Group in the office)

I just miss the days when social distancing and staying at home is not the norm yet. Thankful for the gift of friends.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. – Ecclesiastes 4:9

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

Whose lives are you thankful to God today?