I want to stay in a place for years. I want to call it “home”. I want to say, it’s where I belong. It might not be a geographical location, but maybe a heart of a person whom I will love forever. Who could it be? I’ve been waiting for 27 years. I will be here or maybe there still sojourning until I see you face to face. Until then, my love. I will be waiting.
I was pouring muscovado to a bottle when I realized how important to be patient and to do things slowly.
I don’t want to waste muscovado so I slowly pour it to the bottle. It took time but I have spill after pouring. I did it successfully. And I remember my healing, it might not be easy, it might take time (according to the doctor it might take 3 years of medication), it might not be purely straight line towards healing but it will be sure. I want to make sure, I am doing it right.
I was feeling blue and I felt pressured. In one week time, it will be my birthday but somehow I felt like pressured. I was thinking if people will truly celebrate my birthday. Do they really appreciate my existence? I am worried as well of this feeling because I might not be healing well. Then my cousin sent that to me. And she’s right. There will be days that you will not be okay, and that’s fine. It will be a rough road towards healing but the important part is, you are healing. Slowly, but surely. I am now determine to take one step at a time. ❤️
After lunch today, I created this refrigerated cake for the kids. It’s really good, unexpectedly. Andre almost half it after dinner. Well, I am very happy about that. I know that this was not as creative as other cakes but, it’s delicious.
Creating things make us happy especially when it’s a success. And being happy time after time is important.
I do threadmill walking for one straight week now and it feels so good. I was really guilty of not working out for years. Been sick and not really healthy but I am glad to finally decided to go back on track. Exercising produces dopamine which is really good for everyone. You can try if you want and like me, you can start walking first. I started walking for only 15 minutes and just added more as time went by.
Doing things consistently makes you feel empowered sometimes. It feels like you’ve achieve something. There’s a sense of fulfillment. And it’s important that we feel that we achieve something for the day, or for a week. There will be a warm feeling in the heart.
What’s your joyful story today? Let me know.
I recently had a haircut and hair dye. One of the things I am trying to enjoy now is to take care of myself. What do you think about the hair? Oh by the way, I am embracing the curls already. ❤️
It’s been more than a week since I started working out. It’s good. It’s now my favorite thing to do. But don’t get me wrong. I am only doing 15-minute yoga and 30-minute fast walking on threadmill. It makes me happy. I was not into exercise before but I enjoy it now.
But one thing hinders my enjoyment, the time. I was always conscious that the time will be up soon. I am more like impatient. I remember starting to see 25 minutes and I just want to stop working out thinking, it’s almost there anyway. So today, I covered the time with a paper while working out. Listened to my favorite wedding songs. Yes, you read it right, wedding songs for work out. Not that I am working out for a wedding or for someone but I just enjoyed it while trying to sing too.
I realized that I AM SO IMPATIENT. I remember asking God why things are not coming to pass yet. Especially this month, I am turning 27. I am now counting what I should have achieved other than fat. 😂 Truly, God holds the time. His timing is not our timing. His ways are far from our ways. Now, I am looking forward to work out for 45 minutes without being too conscious about time.
BTW, [Joy-nal is a word I just created. I mixed joy and journal because these entries will now come with joy and learnings. Expect for more!]
During my therapy session this week, we dealt with the question, “Who is Jireh?”. It is a deep question that I cannot answer. Well, at least for now. So I came up with the solution of jotting down the things I like first.
I remember the movie, “Runaway Bride” of Julia Roberts. She must find out what she wants first before committing to someone. I think, we all need that. We need to know ourselves.
This morning, I went to the nearest convenience store to send money to my sister. I walked around the store too to check what I like and found a small bag of Almonds. I have been a fan of nuts but my favorite is Almond.
Observing small details like this is very important in knowing who you are. And I’ve learned from it that, knowing what I like will make me not just agree to people around. It will give me a stronger perspective of allowing myself to decide and not just go with the flow.
What are you thoughts? Let me know.
that seemed unending
It is everywhere
Is all that can be seen
Do not stop there
The rainbow is in the end
It will be
You will be okay
This is my 2nd tattoo. I know, faded! I specifically liked it ’cause if I will be honest, I used cut myself before. This served me more than just a symbol engraved in my body.
Honestly, I am not very good with this kind of hurt. I am always afraid to cut myself but somehow on my darkest days, when I felt so much pain emotionally, I would rather cut to feel it physically. Emotional pain seemed to be very unbearable to me. It’s quite a great escape for me though it’s not deep cuts, mostly, many shallow cuts. I put a tattoo right there to stop me from cutting. “1999” signifies my mom’s death which I think my first ever heart break that was not really easy to overcome but I was able to mend. “;” represents ‘keep going’ sign. Since I got this tattoo, I stopped cutting myself. This has been its use since then. It became a reminder for me not to cut or hurt myself.
I have a tattoo on my chest. It’s the first tattoo I really liked though it turned out to be my 3rd tattoo and most probably the last as well. (Not everyone saw this before. Not even my dad, if he sees it, he might do another sermon time. I don’t mind. That’s his right anyway.) But anyway, let me share to you the story behind this tattoo.
Growing up, I always asked myself the meaning of home. Just like every family, ours is imperfect. My parents were always busy, we had conflicts, and etc. And I always ask if home is the same as house. I knew it’s not ’cause it’s better than this concrete building that we have. As I grew older, it is always my dream to find my home. Well, maybe I haven’t found it yet or maybe I found it already but haven’t recognized it. All I know is that I put it on my chest because I know that home is something close to my heart. Something or someone who would take care of it no matter how lost I think I am. And despite all my struggles right now, I know I still want to meet whoever or whatever it is. I want to recognize home at least before I am gone.