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The Process

God is our healer. I believe that. He let me experience His healing power too many times. (Hospitalizations, say what now?!) But my question is how am I seeing the process of healing? What are my learnings along the way.

Today, as I heal in a certain area, God made me see more of His wonders more than the healing. On the process, I saw the value of life, people’s support, and reconcilation of my relationships. The Lord has always been so faithful that even on the process He lets me experience His hand caressing me. ❤️

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Beating My Inner Self

Being depressed has a lot hardships. It’s always hard to get up and do things. It’s difficult to focus and etc. But each day, I am glad that with the help of the Lord, I am given a will to get up.

Today, I beat myself. I woke up late. I usually get up 5:30 in the morning to exercise but I dragged myself up instead around 6 AM. I did my usual routine. Drink water and coffee and then exercise.

2.5 Km for 30 mins.

Since I only do walking on threadmill, I usually got 2.0 Km per 30 mins but today I reached 2.5 Km. Isn’t that a milestone? Beating myself to get up and do extra mile on exercising is something for me. Depressed or not, I think, it’s important that we became champion versus ourselves. I am guilty about always feeling defeated on different areas of my life and seeing these small wins make it a whole lot different. It makes me more excited each day. I hope there’s something that will excite you today. God bless!

PS: I already lost 2 kilos for working out in 3 weeks!

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Journal Entry #3

Tonight, I had panic attack.

It started when I woke up from another weird dream. I felt the need to get up. I was having a hard time to breathe, having a little chest pain and I was shaking. I still managed to eat and talk to my 5-year old cousin. But after my hot bath which I enjoyed, I started to feel that I need to calm down. I started shaking, crying like I won’t stop anymore. I still managed to get warm water but the crying just won’t stop and I had a harder time to breathe. I guess I am strong enough, I was able to still ask my cousin, to call his dad. My uncle hugged me on the side and asked me if I needed to be rushed to the hospital but I declined. I knew, I just need to calm down. He helped me with warm water, and breathing. He prayed also prayed for me. I calmed down after a few minutes though somehow made me late to log in for work.

Right now, I am still feel a little dizzy and having some back pain but feeling better. I am just thankful that I have been surrounded with great people. I just hoped that he would not feel worried or afraid if this happens to me.

I promise to seek more help and get better.

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Bloom Where You are Planted

Proverbs 31:15-17

While reading my motivation tab at work, I stumbled into this again.

At 26, I am so conscious about my career path and if I am able to provide the needs of our family. Being named “Jireh” honestly added pressure to me.

Now, you know why. 😂

Contemplating to it again, I realized, that it’s literally happening to me now. I am currently working at night for a different country and I am able to provide the needs of the family. And along side with this realization, God reminded me to bloom where I am planted today.

I am teacher by profession and my work right now is different though still in line with communication. Despite the difficulties of working outside my comfort zone, I know that I am where He wanted me to be. This time may be hard but I know that in this season of my life, He is constantly training and pruning me in so many levels. And despite the hardships, He still motivates me to shine and grow wherever I am.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13 ESV

Great thing that we have His words reminding us that whatever season we are in, He will always strengthen and enable us. Jesus is our best help.

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Slowing Down

I was walking on the road alone. I heard the sound of the horns, the cars’ engines, the blowing wind, the playing songs in the street and the people talking. I smelled the different perfumes of the people passing by, and the flowers being sold on the flower shop. I saw the different situations in my surroundings, the bright lights of each post in every street and the glow brought by the moon and the stars. I felt the harsh wind touching my skin and the water dropping from the sky. And I realized I want to take things slow. I want to stretch out the time and observe even the littlest things. I want to hear, feel, smell and see everything and be thankful for them. I want to see more in this life than just doing my day job and be satisfied with its pay. I want to feel more and know that flowing emotions are not just the only available things to feel. I want to hear and acknowledge that it’s not just the sentiments of this world are offered to be heard. There were simple things to appreciate. Life is beautiful; if only we give chance to pay attention to them. There’s more to life than sentiments and negativity. All we need to do is to be intentional in witnessing the life beyond ourselves.