Lately, I’ve been thinking of people who tried to be in a relationship with me, especially this quarantine and I saw one characteristic to them, inconsistency. All of them are good starters but couldn’t finish. They all end up leaving without notice too! And I must admit, it’s frustrating but I cannot control them Still thankful to God since He showed me that those were not the love He wants for me. Surely, many of you would agree that not even your spouse could satisfy the love we all yearned for, only God.
God’s love is so pure, consistent and unconditional.
I remember one time when I was in the height of struggling with my depression, someone wouldn’t talk to me unless I am doing great in my spiritual life. It was so conditional to the point that I want to force myself to be okay just to be able talk to her. But again, God convinced me that it’s not the love He wants for me and he reminded me of His love. And as I continue to struggle, God showed me more of His grace and love that I can’t even imagine. I was brought back to the cross, His greatest public display of affection which is my favorite. Who would be willing to love us when we messed up? Who would be willing to die for us? Who would forgive us when we repeatedly sin? Who would love us without condition? Definitely none but Jesus. And what’s the best thing about this? He is consistent. Remember that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)
God gave me two moms to honor. It’s not mother’s day but let me do this. My heart cannot contain the overflowing love and gratefulness.
My biological mom is Lilibeth Gabasa. She was sweet and beautiful inside and out. What I remember most about her was her enthusiasm in doing household chores, dancing while cleaning the room. But it was a short-lived experience. I only had her for 6 years of my life. But still, thank God for the time given to us and for her life.
After my mom died, my father remarried. My step mother is Corazon Gabasa. She is pretty, slim and not showy. She is strict in house rules but still has a beautiful heart. I must admit, we went through a lot of struggles in keeping up with our relationship but I think even with your real moms, you do struggle too, right? What I love about her is her love for my father. I saw her tirelessly took care of him. These are the things I know I cannot do while building my own life. I also learned to read and not watch too much because of her. In fact, I am not fond of watching since then. I also learned to multi task. And I love her genuinity towards my healing. She helped me a lot in this area. And oh, before I forgot, I love that she gave us our handsome brother.
When I was young, I used to bot appreciate how our lives are different after my mom died but now, as I mature, I appreciate every bit of it. I thank God for learnings and for the lives of my awesome moms who are both gifts from Him. ❤️
I want to stay in a place for years. I want to call it “home”. I want to say, it’s where I belong. It might not be a geographical location, but maybe a heart of a person whom I will love forever. Who could it be? I’ve been waiting for 27 years. I will be here or maybe there still sojourning until I see you face to face. Until then, my love. I will be waiting.
The playing kids in the corridor, the noisy children in the classroom, the messy chairs, the blanks in the attendance sheet, the repetitive sound of the computer keyboard, the loud sound of the bell and the other things to be observed in the school will always be remembered by him. School was his favorite place. Despite the fact that he is an introvert and he enjoys peace, he will never forget the beautiful chaos in the school. He was once there to be a channel of learning and surprisingly he also learned from the subject matter to one’s life experiences. He has regrets for leaving but he has to go. There were other plans in his mind that he has to pursue while he is still young. “I will be back.” He said as he closed the gate of the school.
Words from the very mouth of her family brought bruises, wounds and even scars in her heart. She was hurt and mad all at the same time. It seemed no one is there to support and understand her. She can’t cry or curse, she can’t express her feelings but when a person hugged her, she started crying. And as she was being hugged, words of affirmation came out from the mouth of the other person. She said, “You are beautiful. Whether they appreciate it or not, you are still beautiful. You are valuable. Your worth is not measured on how you perform or how you do things, you are simply valuable. Just like a thousand peso bill, whether they crumple you, or step on you, your worth will never decrease. You are loved. There are people who believe in you, who are willing to fight for you and sacrifice for you. We are still here.” The other person held her face and said, “Always remember that. Don’t ever forget.” Even though tears are not stopping yet from flowing, she smiled.
Sometimes, it’s hard to be vulnerable to people even though you have been friends with them for years. I experienced rejection before and I have been anxious to open up because that person might leave me just like the others. I even remember someone told me, she is like walking on eggshells whenever she talks to me. So I asked myself then, should I say anything then? Maybe everyone feels this way. Not that I just started to conceal how I feel since she said that but I was more convinced that it’s the best thing to do. So I continued hiding how I truly felt because I was afraid that people will feel the same way or might leave. I even thought, God might feel that I am way too sensitive. He might be complaining about how emotional I am, how high my anxiety level is and how depressing my thoughts are. I am so afraid that He’ll get tired of me and leave.
Then He talked to me through a verse…
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 18:2-4 ESV
Today, He called me out to really COME to Him as His daughter. He reminded me to tell him everything, humbling myself before him, acknowledging that He has power over my situation, that He is my Father and that I fully trust Him with my life. Isn’t it great to have a heavenly Father who doesn’t invalidate how we feel rather acknowledge them? Isn’t it great to have a wonderful Father who listens and stays? I think it’s AWESOME.
Remember that even in our darkest hours, He was there loving us. (Romans 5:8) He accepted us. (Romans 15:7) He promised that no matter what, He will never leave us nor forsake us. (Joshua 1:5) And all we need to do is come to Him. (Matthew 11:28-29).
Thank you Lord for the life of our baby brother. May you always be with him. Make him a courageous man. Make him love you even more. Make him see you in everything. Make him to be like you. May your love, joy and peace abound to this young man.
Jorel is my youngest brother. He turned 17 today. He also finished his junior high school with honors. We are so excited for him to see what God has in store for him.