Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Happiness

In this time of hardships, where do you find joy or happiness?

I am a person who’s always in deep thought of true meaning of happiness. I even disagreed with someone’s Philosophy that “Happiness is the goal of life.” For I believe that not all things that makes us happy are good and we always have to evaluate that.

I must admit, I have been unhappy these days and smiles are nowhere to be found. I have been swallowed by my past and present circumstance. But while I was praying, God reminded me that He’s the ultimate source of joy and the only thing I should do is surrender. I wildly cried as I poured out my heart but you know what’s the best part? I found joy, happiness and peace after. It will only be found in Him.

I hope today, if you are looking for joy, happiness and peace, you come to Him because He will be glad to take care of you. (Matthew 11:28 & Deuteronomy 32:10)In this time of hardships, where do you find joy or happiness? I am a person who’s always in deep thought of true meaning of happiness. I even disagreed with someone’s Philosophy that “Happiness is the goal of life.” For I believe that not all things that makes us happy are good and we always have to evaluate that. I must admit, I have been unhappy these days and smiles are nowhere to be found. I have been swallowed by my past and present circumstance. But while I was praying, God reminded me that He’s the ultimate source of joy and the only thing I should do is surrender. I wildly cried as I poured out my heart but you know what’s the best part? I found joy, happiness and peace after. It will only be found in Him.I hope today, if you are looking for joy, happiness and peace, you come to Him because He will be glad to take care of you. (Matthew 11:28 & Deuteronomy 32:10)

Videos / Songs

New Song

I.
When the rain isn’t stopping
When the waves are not calm
When my worries rise and I can’t control
You remind me
Ohhhhh…

Chorus:
When I am weak
I am strong
For your grace is sufficient for me.
My fears
Are all gone
For your love dispels it all

Bridge:
Where would I be without you
Where would I be without you, Lord
Where would I be?

Suggest a title please. 🙂
PS: Bear with the imperfections.

Personal

Improvements

She is an Answered Prayer by Joana San diego

Even before my diagnosis, I already suffered from difficulty to focus which hindered me from reading and even writing sometimes. It’s frustrating on my end because I am huge fan of reading. But since last night, I was able to read without being distracted though it’s a two-page readings only. I feel so accomplished. Thank you, Lord. 💚💚💚

Do It Again, Planetshakers

Just like what this song say, God will do it again. He will heal me just like before. In Jesus name!

Personal

Changes

As I continue my medication, my body changed. I feel bloated, dizzy and sleepy every time. My body feels weaker than before. I always feel that I am dragging myself up and I need to fight the feeling that I need to stay in bed and get up to exercise. Today, I even cried on the threadmill! Gosh.Well, no one is forcing me to do things but I feel like I need to do it to be healthy. My hands are in constant tremors and sometimes it feels just nothing but numbness. My eyes are now extra blurry. And somehow, my heart feels weird for feeling empty and full at the same time.

But I am thankful for those people who are standing by me with all these changes, especially at work. Thankful for my family who are getting in touch always and my uncle who has been checking on me time after time and his awesome kids who makes my heart warm. Also, huge thanks to my team lead, Fabby for being such a great support in this time of changing season and health condition. Grateful as well to our company and bosses who never showed stigma on mental health but really making it always possible to help their employees.

Talking about changes, let me show you some creative changes I did to myself.

Dyed my hair Green.
Took care of my nails this time!

I think, the small changes I’ve made can be called self-care. I think it is an achievement to do these things since I always feel doing those are like a hard chore. Making a little difference and making myself a little pampered is good especially in this hard times, isn’t it? What do you think? Or you’d rather let me have pink hair? Hahaha!

Hope everyone is doing just fine. ❤️

Personal

The Process

God is our healer. I believe that. He let me experience His healing power too many times. (Hospitalizations, say what now?!) But my question is how am I seeing the process of healing? What are my learnings along the way.

Today, as I heal in a certain area, God made me see more of His wonders more than the healing. On the process, I saw the value of life, people’s support, and reconcilation of my relationships. The Lord has always been so faithful that even on the process He lets me experience His hand caressing me. ❤️

Personal

Beating My Inner Self

Being depressed has a lot hardships. It’s always hard to get up and do things. It’s difficult to focus and etc. But each day, I am glad that with the help of the Lord, I am given a will to get up.

Today, I beat myself. I woke up late. I usually get up 5:30 in the morning to exercise but I dragged myself up instead around 6 AM. I did my usual routine. Drink water and coffee and then exercise.

2.5 Km for 30 mins.

Since I only do walking on threadmill, I usually got 2.0 Km per 30 mins but today I reached 2.5 Km. Isn’t that a milestone? Beating myself to get up and do extra mile on exercising is something for me. Depressed or not, I think, it’s important that we became champion versus ourselves. I am guilty about always feeling defeated on different areas of my life and seeing these small wins make it a whole lot different. It makes me more excited each day. I hope there’s something that will excite you today. God bless!

PS: I already lost 2 kilos for working out in 3 weeks!

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Slowly but Surely

I was pouring muscovado to a bottle when I realized how important to be patient and to do things slowly.

I don’t want to waste muscovado so I slowly pour it to the bottle. It took time but I have spill after pouring. I did it successfully. And I remember my healing, it might not be easy, it might take time (according to the doctor it might take 3 years of medication), it might not be purely straight line towards healing but it will be sure. I want to make sure, I am doing it right.

Ctto

I was feeling blue and I felt pressured. In one week time, it will be my birthday but somehow I felt like pressured. I was thinking if people will truly celebrate my birthday. Do they really appreciate my existence? I am worried as well of this feeling because I might not be healing well. Then my cousin sent that to me. And she’s right. There will be days that you will not be okay, and that’s fine. It will be a rough road towards healing but the important part is, you are healing. Slowly, but surely. I am now determine to take one step at a time. ❤️

Personal

Joy-Nal Entry #2

Banana Strawberry Refrigerated Cake

After lunch today, I created this refrigerated cake for the kids. It’s really good, unexpectedly. Andre almost half it after dinner. Well, I am very happy about that. I know that this was not as creative as other cakes but, it’s delicious.

Creating things make us happy especially when it’s a success. And being happy time after time is important.

One second missing 😂

I do threadmill walking for one straight week now and it feels so good. I was really guilty of not working out for years. Been sick and not really healthy but I am glad to finally decided to go back on track. Exercising produces dopamine which is really good for everyone. You can try if you want and like me, you can start walking first. I started walking for only 15 minutes and just added more as time went by.

Doing things consistently makes you feel empowered sometimes. It feels like you’ve achieve something. There’s a sense of fulfillment. And it’s important that we feel that we achieve something for the day, or for a week. There will be a warm feeling in the heart.

What’s your joyful story today? Let me know.

Personal

Joy-Nal Entry #1

It’s been more than a week since I started working out. It’s good. It’s now my favorite thing to do. But don’t get me wrong. I am only doing 15-minute yoga and 30-minute fast walking on threadmill. It makes me happy. I was not into exercise before but I enjoy it now.

But one thing hinders my enjoyment, the time. I was always conscious that the time will be up soon. I am more like impatient. I remember starting to see 25 minutes and I just want to stop working out thinking, it’s almost there anyway. So today, I covered the time with a paper while working out. Listened to my favorite wedding songs. Yes, you read it right, wedding songs for work out. Not that I am working out for a wedding or for someone but I just enjoyed it while trying to sing too.

I realized that I AM SO IMPATIENT. I remember asking God why things are not coming to pass yet. Especially this month, I am turning 27. I am now counting what I should have achieved other than fat. 😂 Truly, God holds the time. His timing is not our timing. His ways are far from our ways. Now, I am looking forward to work out for 45 minutes without being too conscious about time.

BTW, [Joy-nal is a word I just created. I mixed joy and journal because these entries will now come with joy and learnings. Expect for more!]

Personal · Thoughts&Reflection

Dealing with Who I Am

Almond

During my therapy session this week, we dealt with the question, “Who is Jireh?”. It is a deep question that I cannot answer. Well, at least for now. So I came up with the solution of jotting down the things I like first.

I remember the movie, “Runaway Bride” of Julia Roberts. She must find out what she wants first before committing to someone. I think, we all need that. We need to know ourselves.

This morning, I went to the nearest convenience store to send money to my sister. I walked around the store too to check what I like and found a small bag of Almonds. I have been a fan of nuts but my favorite is Almond.

Observing small details like this is very important in knowing who you are. And I’ve learned from it that, knowing what I like will make me not just agree to people around. It will give me a stronger perspective of allowing myself to decide and not just go with the flow.

What are you thoughts? Let me know.