Words from the very mouth of her family brought bruises, wounds and even scars in her heart. She was hurt and mad all at the same time. It seemed no one is there to support and understand her. She can’t cry or curse, she can’t express her feelings but when a person hugged her, she started crying. And as she was being hugged, words of affirmation came out from the mouth of the other person. She said, “You are beautiful. Whether they appreciate it or not, you are still beautiful. You are valuable. Your worth is not measured on how you perform or how you do things, you are simply valuable. Just like a thousand peso bill, whether they crumple you, or step on you, your worth will never decrease. You are loved. There are people who believe in you, who are willing to fight for you and sacrifice for you. We are still here.” The other person held her face and said, “Always remember that. Don’t ever forget.” Even though tears are not stopping yet from flowing, she smiled.
“Do I deserve to be a second choice?” We all have seen this question before and maybe even you already asked this question while re-affirming your worth.
I then remember one preaching about Ruth. It struck my heart because the pastor regarded her leaning on leftover grains as ‘getting leftover love’. And then he asked, “Have you ever felt like you are picking a leftover love or significance from your parents, friends, or other relationships?” And all I know is that I have been there but I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I am so done.
We love because he first loved us. -1 John 4:19 ESV
See, even God gave us his FIRST so why are we settling in second place? He also gave his best and all for us. Remember that the greatest public display of affection was done on the cross. This even convinced me that we don’t deserve to be a second choice.
But the question also bounced back to me?
Does God deserve to be the second place in my heart? I choked. That struck me even more. This reminded me then of a commandment from the Lord.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Matthew 6:33 ESV
Seeking the kingdom is seeking the King. Where will the King be anyway? Remembering this, I evaluated myself, did I make the King first in everything I do?
As a single young professional, I want to establish a good long-lasting career so I always make the extra mile to excel. That’s not bad but I saw myself being too busy taking care of my job, making everything else second in my priority lane. I felt so guilty.
The Bible wants to remind us this:
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:2
He must increase, but I must decrease. – John 3:30
I am thankful for God’s wonderful reminder of really seeing Him more than seeing myself, making Him my top priority every day. And I realized that I will never be the top priority because He should be that one. And I will always be happy to be the second knowing He is the first choice. And it will be enough that I am God’s first choice over being somebody else’s first choice.
Despite your genuineness, I don’t want to write about you. It feels like the whole world will know and it will be jinxed after all.
I don’t want them to know your best qualities: your sweet smiles, bright eyes, and warm hands, and your sincere ‘how are you’, intentional look, listening ears, and hearty laughs. Now, tell me how can I resist not to write about you, when you are worth writing for. The whole world should know that there is still someone real, someone who can flatter one’s heart as you.
She was so tired of doubting herself because she was given an idea that she wouldn’t amount to anything. She wants to hear things differently now. She wants to know how important and how much she was appreciated. It was her little drama. She said, she’s enough of all the emotional things but this really made her cry. She hopes to be whole and complete again. And she definitely knows where to find it…